Belle Isle Bridge and Winderwear

Take me on a trip upon your magic swirlin' ship,
My senses have been stripped,
my hands can't feel to grip,
My toes too numb to step,
wait only for my [$100 shoe] heels
To be wanderin'.

Bob Dylan
Mr. Tambourine Man

This weekend I tested my attrition against the blistering cold and wind that Detroit was so graciously offering. I'm pretty sure Dylan wasn't running across the Belle Isle Bridge in November when he wrote this song, but I felt his pain nonetheless. On 30 degree Friday night, I took a route along Atwater St. and the partially completed Detroit River Walk until eventually coming to Joe Louis Arena. This is the home of Detroit's professional hockey team, the Red Wings. At this time the surface of my chest and thighs felt like JLA's ice rink. Instead of volunteering my body to the Red Wings for ice time, I decided to seek the advice of the Team In Training running professionals regarding battling the intense cold and winter winds.

Last night I made the excruciatingly annoying rush hour hike up to Metro Detroit's super suburb, Novi, for the "Dress For Success" clinic at a running shop. My intent was to learn how to dress while avoiding frozen body parts and pesky things like gangrene. I learned that I was taking on the Detroit winter without the most important piece of cold weather running equipment........for men. For the running layman, like myself, I assumed that an expensive running shoe, a heat-trapping hat, or a pair of the ever-so-popular and alarmingly tight fitting spandex tights were in contention for "most important." Rookie ignorance. I was introduced to a pair of wind proof, breathable, and absurdly strange men's underwear that was designed to fight the elements. The next thing I knew I was facing an entire retail wall stocked with winter busting tighty-whities. I found a pair with nylon, polyester, Gore-tex, and at least six other wind proof, thermal micro fibers. These materials were strategically placed in an area of the brief requiring the maximum amount of protection. Just last week I was primarily worried about the durability of my feet and legs during the next five months of training. Timidly handing the sales clerk my new pair of Winderwear, I found myself more worried about the health and welfare of another "most important" body part.

Of coarse I couldn't leave the store with a single pair of underwear. I can't stand shopping. I inherited a gene from my father that forces us to break out into sweats and panic at the mere sight of a mall. But when it comes to athletic gear, I could spend all day perusing the aisles of hiking boots, moisture wicking shirts, head lamps, camping stoves, baseball gloves, tennis racquets, etc. The stuff in this running shop was no exception. I left with a light weight wind breaking jacket, extra-padded socks, thermal insulated head band, and brand spanking new pair of my favorite running shoes: 0 miles on the pedometer. I'm now telling myself that I'm prepared for the worst that Detroit weather has to offer. I'm also telling myself that in 490 BC, contrary to popular folklore, the original marathon runner did not die from exhaustion after completing the grueling trip from Marathon to Athens, bringing news of the Athenian victory over the Persians.....he died because he didn't have a pair of Winderwear.